For a Better Transformers: Dark of the Moon

August 16th, 2010 | By Rono | 1,094 views | 2 Comments »

We are not part of the crowd of Michael Bay haters, but we have not been satisfied with the way he has handled the first two movies. The fact that they made an insane amount of money will not help the situation and get us better movies. Actually it will more likely be the reverse. Vindicated in the way he directed the previous installments, he will more likely either get cocky and shoot himself in the foot with the third one or just make another remake of the first (like the second movie).

Is the Transformers franchise just about giant talking robots, destruction and mayhem?

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is a recycled Transformers, down to the Bumblebee’s speech impediment, the Decepticons’ quest, or the fight in the desert (which looks like the same desert by the way). Mostly identical “plots” with slightly different characters, on-the-nose dialogs and childish humor, wrapped in more or less the same order. Imagine characters delivering the same lines in both movies and you will have an idea.

Funny? Please!

I never understood why they insisted in making it funny. It is simply idiotic. It did not work so well in the first movie, but the repeated it the EXACT same way in Revenge of the Fallen. Sometimes you laugh, most of the time you cringe.

Judy (Julie White), Ron (Kevin Dunn) and Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) arriving on campus. Funny scene.

Judy, the crazy mom (Julie White) made me laugh. She was hilarious, before their son (Shia LaBeouf) leaves and when dropping him off in college later; funnier than the first movie.

Robowarrior, the former government agent, Simmons (John Turturo) — now a deli clerk who lives with his mom — DID NOT. He failed to do that in the first movie. He came back in the second with the same over-the-top and ridiculous humor. They could have pulled it off by just toning it down a little bit.

For example, Simmons’s changed situation automatically makes him funny. Everything he will say will refer to the situation he used to have. A big shot government agent blessed with a do-anything-and-get-away-with-it badge, now selling meat and living with his mom! I guess they failed to use this card.

The little Decepticon robot, Wheelie, trying to steal the Allspark shard and stepping into mice traps: started funny and ended up not. Later he humps Mikaela’s leg! What kind of child will write that and what man-child will shoot it I wonder?

The Allspark shard transfers its knowledge into Sam's mind. For an instrument capable of creating life, does anyone else wonder why the Allspark always generate nasty, evil robots? What would the Autobots do with it?

Sam going nuts with hieroglyphics code in his head did not need to be funny; he was going through a very serious, life-threatening issue here; being serious would make such a pivotal moment in the story stick a little better.

And what about the constantly fighting twins? Definitely not funny, except maybe in the scene where they fight the gigantic Devastator in Egypt.

Simmons’s butt in close up: funny to Michael Bay, maybe; not to me. But Leo coming out of the bathroom with his pants down to make a diversion was funny, until they made him tase himself. More sorry than funny.

They even fished from one of the James Bond movies: the then funny “He didn’t even say goodbye!” bit, when JB jumped from the plane, in Tomorrow Never Dies, did not fly here (pun intended). Pathetic.

Special effects

This is the part of the movie that is done right. The integration of the robots with the live action footage is done with exceptional expertise and dedication. And we can only wonder if that is not what made the success of this series.

Think about it: the giant robots you used to marvel about as a kid in Saturday morning cartoons are now walking the earth in glorious high definition CG. What’s not to like? For the intended demographic (15-25) and the older nostalgic fans (25-45), this aspect of the spectacle is delightful.

But what else is there? We essentially watch those movies for the giant robot fights. What else is there? The large scale metallic creatures are the spectacle.

Mikaela (Megan Fox) flashes some of her physical assets, if not her underutilized acting skills.

For instance, when Megatron wanted to extract the codes from Sam’s brain, it was hard to fear for his life. The scene played more like just an annoyance than life-threatening danger. Why? Even Mikaela’s terrified expression did not translate into the audience’s concern. We were just waiting for the Autobots to show up so we could have a giant puppet fight. This one was shot a little better by the way, you could tell more or less who what landing blows, partially because of Optimus’s colors.

Is there a professional behind this camera?

Here is the main criticism against Michael Bay’s shooting style. Micro shots with action scene shot up close. So close you cannot tell who is who and what is doing what.

When two giant robots are fighting, half the time you have to guess what is going on. They look identical with the same silver/metallic color that you can only tell what happens when you see the loser lying on the ground and the winner walking over his body.

Transformer fight scene: from this image, Optimus Prime's red and blue paint job is recognzeable. Can you spot Megatron in this picture?

One would think they were afraid to shoot wide, like the scene would be boring. Or is it a need to show off the quality of CG they could afford with their budget? You see robots transforming so close, you are looking at their insides, whereas the scene could be so much cooler with a little pull back. Have they looked at the animated series or were they afraid they would not be able to pull it off themselves?

One good example was the shot of Megatron and Starscream on top of the skyscraper or the Autobots arriving in the prime tomb in Egypt.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

This new one is written by Ehren Kruger alone. He co-wrote Revenge of the Fallen with Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman. Let’s hope he does a better job by himself this time.

Whenever you feel like reaching for the remote to avoid some scenes of a movie, there is a problem. When a filmmaker sacrifices quality for blockbuster numbers, you have a problem. How long before the audience gets tired?

Megatron and Co. try to enter Sam's brain for information (just like the glasses in the first movie). The notion of danger is not in the menu; we're just waiting for the Autobots to show up so the real fight can start.

The first Transformer movie was a lucky shot. Mr Producer (yes, I am looking at you, Steven), your name is stamped on these movies. Make sure they are films that you can talk about 10 years from now; I mean beside box office numbers.

If the writers and director do not handle the job in a way that treats the audience other than a crowd of retards (even an audience mostly made of kids), there are a lot of good writers out there that can deliver stories with a minimum of brains as well as testosterone.

A little more respect for your audience, please.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon
Set for release in 2011

Images from Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

[Slideshow]